have you ever been asked by the question, “if you only have one week to live, how are you going to spend it?”
right now, it’s 3:53am and i still couldn’t stop thinking about how am i going to spend my last week in my hometown. i’ll be leaving for manila to work. it’s my first time to leave, to be on my own, to venture by myself, to leave the people i love and learned to love. i know i’m getting too dramatic about this but this is what i feel right now.
before when i was still studying, i’ve always wanted to graduate immediately and go to work out-of-town. i was really excited about it, and when i got the job/s i was really glad and could no longer wait. but now, after finishing college, i’ve seen the catch of graduation. it’s sad. at first i thought it would be happy. happy because there would no longer be unnecessary homeworks, insignificant assignments, tedious projects, long lectures, boring teachers, and waking up early. happy because finally i’m done with college, i’m done with school, i’m done being a student. all of these were true. i would no longer be having these. just when i finally thought that i’d be happy because all of these rants about school is already gone, more things are to be carried along with it. i’ll be missing my classmates. the times that i’ll ask a piece of yellow paper when our teacher gives a surprise quiz or test, the times when we used to discuss our assignments, the times when we go overnight for our projects, the times when we study at the canteen or at the library for anxam, the times we discuss our lessons when we couldn’t possibly understand our lecture, the times that we laughed and cried together, the times that we used to make fun of our teachers’ mannerisms and how many times they’ve used the word “basically”, the times that we’ve been together. all of these, are tagged along with the thought of leaving school. leaving.
right now, the thought of “leaving” is already sinking in. before i would just laugh about it and say to myself that it’s just part of life, moving on, etc. i used to laugh at people who says that they are going to miss me. i laugh.
i’ll also be leaving the most significant people in my life, my family. i’ve been living with them for 20 years and just by the thought of being not with them makes me lonely. i’m going to miss the comfort of my own home. i’ll be missing the times that i’ll be annoying my little sisters, i’ll be missing the times when my kuya and i would just talk stuff over before going to sleep. i would miss the barks and howling of my askalian terriers. and most of all, i would miss my mother’s guidance. she has always inspired me to do good, to be good. and she has done a great job! i’m always thankful to her for molding me to become the person that i am right now, and i’m happy of who and what i’ve become to be.
nonetheless, in every end there’s a new beginning. when i leave my hometown, i’ll be discovering new things. i’ll be able to talk with people who speak with a different dialect (and i hate talking in tagalog). i’ll be able to experience how busy the metro city is (and i hate the pollution and traffic). i’ll be able to find and discover new places. it’s something that my curiousity would surely love. i know, that as i choose this path. i’ll be alright. i will be.
to all the people that touched my life. to those lives also that i’ve touched. you will all be part of my life story. something that i’ve always treasured. the experiences that i had with you will forever be treasured, forever.
(i’ve gone rusty already. can’t organize well what i’m writing.)